Holy Spirit Parenting 101

There’s been more controversy over parenting styles in the last year than the Benghazi scandal.

There’s the Attachment Parenting Style, the Hug-A-Tree-Love-A-Bunny Style of Parenting, the Authoritarian/Authoritative Style, Helicopter Parenting (I kid you not – Google it) and the list goes on. But the most controversial of all of them is the Babywise/Ezzo method of doing stuff.

The people that love it claim that it has gotten their kiddos on a schedule. They sleep, eat, and cry less. Also, the children are doing well.

The people that hate it have very, very good reasons to hate it. Some of the kiddos raised in this method have developed RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) and have some serious consequences.

I am not doing any of these. But as someone who is a constant researcher, I have become quite eclectic in everything I do: counseling, clothing style, and now, parenting.

Please don’t get me wrong. I KNOW that I know nothing. That’s what makes this so fun. I love asking questions, and hearing the answers. And for now, what works for us is patterns, not styles.

My son just turned one month old on Saturday. His greatest accomplishments so far are that he came out of the womb holding his head up and looking around. He loves his Boppy, and loves being propped up in it so he can watch everything around him. He HATES having a wet diaper; also, changing said diaper. There’s no win there. He also doesn’t sleep for more than 30-45 minutes during the day. So, all of those people that tell you to “sleep when the baby sleeps” need a good, solid, smacking. You can’t sleep for 30 minutes and accomplish anything.

I tell my husband that I can accomplish 3 things per day.

1. Eat
2. Laundry
3. Dishes
4. Floors
5. Fold the above laundry
6. Sleep
7. Shower
8. Pump so my boobies do not explode
9. Cook dinner

I can pick any of these three, but it cannot exceed that number.

And, honestly, I was going literally insane. I was tired to the point of hallucination, and in so much pain that I could barely walk across my house. I kept thinking that I was supposed to be doing something different than what I was doing, and it was driving me crazy.

So, at one of the many 1am, 2am, 2:30am, 3:30am, and 5am moments where I found myself awake, I just started to cry, and whine. And get so angry at my husband for things he hasn’t even done yet… and cry some more… And then it hit me:

Praying, Napping, Listening intently to Jesus

Pray. Not just pray, but PRAY… Seek after His Face and His Heart. Talk to your Dad, and get HIS PARENTING ADVICE.

Maybe, just maybe, the God who gave me this gift would know how to operate it.

So, I started researching again. This time, instead of looking for “What Am I Doing Wrong?” I looked for “What Can I Do Well?” and “What Might Work for Our Family.” Not a guarantee or a hug-the-bunny-it-turns-into-a-unicorn moment. Just a guideline.

It worked.

Why was I surprised?

I was literally surprised when prayer started working. Seriously?

Something crazy started happening: he started sleeping, crying less, and eating with regularity. He was never doing poorly: he’s been gaining almost a pound a week. But I could never keep up with him, and felt like I was being dragged around by him. Now, I know what he needs before he needs it, and I feel like I know what to expect.

So, I will probably start editing the Page Holy Spirit Parenting 101 more often, just as the Lord leads, with lessons that I’ve learned as a brand new mommy. I’m sure it’s stuff that most know already, but it’s new to me. I know that a lot of this is a learning curve, and that there’s no way to research, read books, and study up on this stuff. But I’m slowly learning to ask my Dad what my baby needs. And everyone knows Dads give the best advice anyway.

Vacation Brain and Report Card

I admit it… I have vacation brain.

For me, it starts the week before we actually leave. The things I (think I) need to get – which are minimal, the things that have to be done (hours/mileage/and end of month stuff turned in for work, oil and filter change on the car, lawn mowed, doggy dropped off at grandma’s) and the stuff that always comes up beforehand. The weekend before we leave is a birthday party, and we’re finally getting a washer and dryer in our home!! That doesn’t sound like a big deal, but I’m pretty excited. We’re wanting to do cloth diapering for J, and I am NOT taking that stinky mess to the Laundromat. That just sounds like a bad idea.

So, my report card looks a little different this week. Partly because my goals look differently, and mostly because I’m so wound up from a random week of stuff.

Things I did well:

1) I’m still holding boundaries with my mom. Even though she has insisted on doing the stupidest stuff. I got to talk a little bit of it out to a friend of mine this week who assured me that I was not crazy for doing what I’m doing. I know that sounds stupid, it made me feel so much better.

2) I had absolutely NO motivation to do anything this weekend, but I decided to be an adult, and do what I told other people I was going to do. It totally paid off.

3) I’m trying to get better about doing things by myself when Hubs is out of town. Call it preparing for a deployment, keeping myself busy, or whatever, but instead of turning into a hermit the second he leaves the driveway, I’ve gone and done things – in public– by myself. Today I took the fur kid out to some of our local outdoor art and music festivals, and it felt pretty good to actually not isolate myself. As a natural introvert, I could keep myself occupied for days just by putting in movies and doing stuff at home. But part of that I keep thinking is a little unhealthy, and I’m trying to get better. Also, because we’re going to the beach, I’m trying to get some sun on my angry-white body so it’s a little less like putting a fork in the microwave when we get to the beach.

4) Gluten-free wise? Just about perfect… It’s been weird with all of the random preggo cravings, and for some reason, I’m still craving pretzels and doughnuts, but I’ve managed to eat really healthfully all week, and I can tell a MAJOR difference in my energy level.

What I Need to Work On This Week.

1) I had entered panic mode on my studio’s recital before now, and it’s reached an epic level this past week. Must get everything done for my classes, so I can breathe the week after (vacation, just in case you forgot)

2) Cleaning out the baby’s room!!! AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!! I know I said last week that it needed to be done, and now it REALLY REALLY REALLY NEEDS TO BE DONE!! The “good” part is that Hubs is (again) out of town for a week in June, and I may just have to save it until then. It’ll give me something to do in the evenings while he’s gone.

3) Hubs has been so tired, and so stressed, and I really want to pour into him this week as much as I possibly can. He has been burning the candle at so many ends, and I’m amazed that he’s kept going… I just want him to be able to relax this week when he gets home. The house has stayed clean, and everything else has been done. He’s just so stressed about everything, and I know he keeps wanting to do more… so, this week is all his.

4) I will make my packing list. It will rival that of the takeover of Saigon. It will be detailed. It will be organized. It will take more than three drafts. But at the end of it, I will pack. And I will relax and know that I’m sure I will forget batteries and saline solution. It will not be the end of the world, because we are not going overseas where they do not sell “our brand” of saline. We I will stop obsessing about organizing our day, and relax.

 

Well, I have a movie on that I’ve seen no fewer than 1000 times, so I think it’s nap time. Have a great weekend everyone.

We Need Another Wife

It’s a little bit of a longstanding joke in our household. I lovingly and sarcastically state that Hubs got married, then married his mistress, and keeps a couple of lovers on the side. Most of the time just because we’re out in public, and we really like to screw with people’s heads.

But it’s sort of true.

For the first few years of our marriage, Work was just work. When he first came home from Afghanistan, he was insistent on taking a job immediately – despite my pleas that it was too soon. He ended up at an aviation job on a night/overnight shift that was horrible. He’d go in around noon, and get off around 2am. I was working 8-5. So, I’d come home, clean, etc, and then go to be around 9:30ish. He’d call me when he was on his way home, and I would wake up and start making dinner. He’d get home, we’d eat around 2:30-3, and wind down for an hour or so… then we’d go to bed, so that I could get up again at 6:30-7am so I could be at work. It was killing us. He was making great money, and really wanted me to focus on my career, so I left the law firm and adapted to his schedule.

I then got my dream job, but it came at a price. Moving 1.5 hours away from any family or friends. But he totally supported me. He had gotten his old job back in the aviation industry and was at least on days. We’d both get up around 5:30, eat breakfast, and see each other in the evenings. But He was miserable; the stress, the hours, and the management had slowly eaten both of us up. It was time for a change.

Hubs has been into living history since he was a teenager. All kinds, and he was so excited when he’d have opportunities to spend a weekend getting to do something he loved. Mex-War, Civil War, WWII, he couldn’t get enough. It was his playtime, and it breathed life into his tired soul. It gave him something I couldn’t: a chance to re-live war. If you ever see him talk about History, you see him literally come alive. It was his version of dance; something he would always love to do, and couldn’t imagine not doing.

After a string of random events, he was given the opportunity of a lifetime: a part-time (yes, part-time) job at the place he literally grew up. Doing something that was literally his lifeblood. I figured I would just put in for a transfer, and we could totally make this work. He accepted the position with enthusiasm.

Then I lost my job.

It was 8 months of tension, heartache, and doing without.

It was perfect. I wouldn’t trade a day of it.

Then, by another amazing set of circumstances, Hubs was offered a full-time spot. About 2 weeks later, we were told we’d have to move off the premises. They gave us 2 months, to at least get through the holidays, and then we had to be out. A month later, I finally had a job.

But everything came at a price. Hubs had his dream job, and it still gives me such amazing joy to see him truly in his element. This is everything he’s ever been passionate about, other than the military. But all of a sudden, a stark reality hit home: all of those events that he “got” to go to for fun? He HAS to go to them for work. ALL of them. Every. Single. Freaking. One. He has to go there early to set up, teach the whole day, go to bed late, have the day for the public, go to bed late, and then drive home exhausted.

He’s married his mistress, and she’s wearing him out.

The cool part is, as his wife, I get to support him. I can be the one that gets up early, makes him breakfast, and pours as much into him that his girlfriend can’t give him. Because, just like a mistress, all she does is demand and take. More attention; more meetings; more projects; better ideas; longer hours. How do I keep up with that?

When he’s in school, it gets a little more interesting. When he IS home, his homework has to get done before he does anything else. When he’s at an event, I can help keep him organized and get together some of the research; but let’s face it here. I’m a psychology nerd. Not a History nerd. So, I did the next best thing that I could think of: I made the home as clean, safe, and comfortable as I possibly could.

Did I mention that we’ve also moved 4 times in 3 years?

I told Hubs we needed another wife. Not another mistress. A wife. Someone to do dishes, sweep the floor, and remember to pay the cable bill. OR someone to work full-time, so that I could have the time to actually keep my home working, and not be exhausted by the end of the day.

Either way, some days it feels like there’s too many women in this house. But you know what? I’M the only one he talks TO, plans with, and dreams with. And, late a few nights ago, as I was in an emotional-hormonal mess, I sobbed that I need him to talk to me more, just so I have the reassurance that he’s not discussing his future only with his mistress. My amazing King did just that; held me. Soothed my tired, hormonal mess of a soul with the best words I’ve heard all day… And then I realized, that regardless of how many priorities we have, WE are the number one priority. WE have to be.

I’m also the only one he’s taking on a damn vacation. I’ll tell you that much right now, bubba. I am amazed and humbled at how much we have supported each other through the years; mostly because we were totally without options. It’s been horrible, heartbreaking, and bone crushing exhaustion…

I still wouldn’t have it any other way.

Report Card

Well, I have some new motivation now. As I began to look up symptoms on WebMD – the single worst thing that a first time preggo should EVER do – about some of the symptoms I’ve had in the last two weeks, it became clear that something in my diet may have caused more harm than I was aware of. One of the complications of Celiac Disease during pregnancy is the possibility of the placenta becoming detached and under-nourishing my growing son. Well, crap.

Because most of our diet is 80% raw fruit and vegetables, I know J is getting plenty of nutrients, but it was more than a little disconcerting that something I could eat could not only not doing anything for him, but starve him… holy smikes, Batman!

What I did well this week (and last week since I forgot to do this)

1) I held to my boundaries with my mom. And she pushed back in some very ugly ways. Normally, I would be totally in favor of reaching some kind of compromise, but unfortunately, she is a bargainer. If I give her any type of leeway, it won’t be good enough for her. So I held my ground. Hubs was proud of me.

2) Hubs has been in the middle of crazy events for work, and finals at the same time. In the middle of it all – he just thanked me. Thanked me for working so hard, for sticking with him, and giving him some sort of peace. I won’t lie that I’ve been exhausted, but wow… that was pretty cool.

3) My diet has actually been pretty good. So far, as I enter my third trimester, I’ve gained about 9lbs. It feels like more than that, just because it’s less about the weight gain, and more about how my body has been changing sooo much. For someone who has dealt with an eating disorder in her past, this has brought up all kinds of randomness that has been dealt with. I did buy some better maternity clothes this week, and it makes a difference to have stuff in your closet you can actually wear.

4) We’ve brought back our savings account to the Baby Step One Level! Score!

What I want to do this week

1) As I work more on outwardly respecting my husband, I want to speak into him more and more with how much I believe in him. He makes it pretty easy, but there are a lot of changes that are coming pretty quickly. It’s important to me that he knows how much he is loved, respected, and wanted at home.

2) I really want to sit down with Hubs this week and work on budget for a few months. Now that we know what my paychecks are going to be, I want to have a plan for the extra now that our savings is back up.

3) In the next two weeks, I want to get J’s room cleaned out. Maybe not totally painted and set up, but at the very least clean and organized, with all of our clothes and stuff out of there.

Mom Guilt

I have an unexpected, but very well needed day off today. The last couple weeks, I’ve been battling stomach cramps, nausea, fatigue, and migraines. After doing some research, and talking to my doctor, it’s really only dehydration and over-working my baby-making body. Not a huge deal, but to be honest, it’s sorta freaked me out.

My first instinct was to start cleaning. I have a ton of stuff that I could be doing; paperwork, progress notes and treatment plans, scrubbing floors, and taking laundry to the Laundromat. Or I could be resting, drinking water, putting my feet up, and taking it easy. Or I could be mowing the yard (relax, it’s a self-powered mower.)

Either way, I’m going to feel like I should be doing something else.

All of them are important. I’m not going to get any smaller, and the house needs to be painted. Not the outside, but every room on the inside. Honestly, there’s more that I could mention, but I’m already overwhelmed thinking about it. Did I mention that Hubs is gone almost every weekend this month.

Except the week that we have scheduled for vacation.

How am I supposed to relax?

It’s our last chance to be beach bums and do whatever we want when we want to. We have the money. And the house will still be there. The baby doesn’t care what color the walls are in his room or anywhere else.

But painting with a newborn in my arms doesn’t sound like a decent Plan B.

I could push it, and get everything done, and feel very accomplished. Then I would worry if I overdid it, and was affecting J by doing too much. I could relax, and feel guilty that I wasn’t getting anything done. I could do part of each, and feel guilty about both.

Dear God, what should I do? I cannot sit here and feel sorry for myself. I cannot sit here and feel guilty for doing nothing, doing too much, or doing the wrong thing(s).

I do get to do something that I love to do today: dance. I may use some of the time today to work on recital pieces and editing music. I may just bake some gluten-free cookies, and feel like I’m doing something without killing myself doing something I could later regret.

Work-At-Home-Work-at-Work-Work-at-Everything-Mom

I was going to call this, “The greatest dilemma I’ll ever face” but no sooner would I call it that, then something else more major would fall in its place.

Am I going back to work?

And by that one question, it brings out a hundred more. It’s the crazy cycle that can drive anyone insane. When you’re doing one thing, you feel like you should be doing something else.

Can I work part-time? Who will watch the baby during the day? Can I work only in the evenings, teaching groups and dance? Who will watch the baby when I’m gone in the evenings? What about when Hubs is out-of-town? Can we afford to live on my husband’s salary? Will I really be able to hack it if I’m “only” a stay-at-home mom? Can I do work at home? Can we make this work another way? Am I stressing out a little too much?

YES. Yes, I am. And no, not really. It’s not the questions that worry me; it’s the answers. The answers from everywhere that say, “this is what we did, and it worked for us.” While that’s certainly well-meaning and sincerely appreciated. No one situation works for more than that family. I know some things for certain:

1. I do not want to work full-time.
2. I would really, really prefer to be at home full-time. That thought also terrifies me.
3. I love what I do as a counselor. Like, I really love it. Today tore my heart out in 10 different ways, and I still absolutely love what I do.
4. I love what I do as a dancer. Like, I really love it. I can’t imagine a world where I couldn’t dance, and I love teaching.
5. I love that my husband has a job that he is passionate about. I love that he can finally go to school and finish his degree.
6. The only person I’m concerned about disappointing: my husband.

I’m also really, really good about being a hermit when I want to be. I think that’s why I like blogging so much. I don’t actually have to be around people; I don’t really have to talk. I just get to write. To people. Without ever having to really talk to them. I can be there for them, and give them the listening ear that so many need and leave to go pee without them noticing I’m gone for a few minutes. Blogging is an introvert’s dream.

But, I can’t make money holed up in a corner. Not with my degree. And, I’m not super convinced that we can really make it on one salary. And I know one thing: I will feel guilty either way I decide to do things.

If I stay at home, I will feel bad for putting so much pressure on my husband to be the sole provider for his family. Up until now, it’s been a team sport. We both contribute, love what we do, and love the conversations we have about our day at dinner.

If I go back to work, even for 5 minutes a day, I’m going to feel guilty about not giving him the 100% consistency that he really needs. I will know that I’m missing something in my son’s life. I will be happy that I’m contributing to my family’s income, but will probably be worried that the dishes aren’t done, the laundry isn’t done, and the house isn’t spotless so I should be home doing that.

If I stay at home, I’m still going to worry that the house isn’t spotless (even though no one cares but me) and I should be doing some kind of Pinterest craft, making large amounts of organic baby food, sewing projects (even though I don’t know how to sew) and still waxing poetic about some kind of universal conflict for my clearly controversial yet simplistic blog with thousands of followers (sarcasm much?)

The crazy part; I know my husband doesn’t care what I do. He loves our family; and would do anything to make it succeed. He loves the same thing about me that I love about him: that we live with goals and aspirations and passion. He’d never dream of taking that away from me, but knows I would give it up in a second – if it would help his dreams come true. I know he’d love to make more money, so this isn’t a conversation that we have to have. But at the same time, people do this worldwide with a helluva lot less than we have right now.

I also know that there isn’t a day that goes by that God hasn’t given us some kind of provision. Seriously. Not sure how it’s worked a few times, but it’s always worked. I know God is calling us from Manna to the Promised Land. But I really love that He’s still the God of Both. I love that my God is proud of me and my son already. He gave me the gifts that I have – all of them. Including the one happily bouncing on my bladder.

 

Morning Coffee

This morning, I didn’t have to rush to work, and I made the mistake of getting on Facebook. Fit Pregnancy’s page was filled with expectant mothers shopping in Chicago, their purchases only the finest for their little ones. Most of their travel systems cost more than our entire budget for my son’s room. Although, in contrast, the total cost of the mother’s clothing was more than ALL the furniture in my home.

I can’t help but feel a little inferior. For some of those families, having a child is a reason to spend money on only the best. For my family, I am stalking Craigslist and am blessed with some hand-me-downs that we will re-appropriate.

Still, my Parent Trainer spoke softly this morning,

Would you rather have a home full of expensive toys, or the sound of baby laughter, soft kisses, and wagging tails? Would you rather go to bed every night on a thousand dollar mattress – or have a husband by your side that loves you?

I don’t know those women. But I do know what it’s like to have money to do whatever I wanted with – and I was miserable. I would have traded it in a heartbeat. I don’t doubt for a second that God has plans to bless our family with more than enough. He has already provided for us when no one else could have. But if I had to choose between designer clothes, and my husband telling me that my expanding belly is beautiful… I choose my husband.

The soft thump, thump, thump of my fur-boy’s happiness indicator tells me that the old comforter he’s sleeping on has released him to go outside.

The smell of my non-gourmet coffee reminds me that today I will speak into lives of people who may not care what I have to say, but care what I do.

And my peanut butter toast is pretty awesome, too. The wagging tail is happily barking outside, and I’m off to work.

New Mom Freak-out Time.

A bedtime conversation ensued a long and terrible thought process for me a few weeks ago. I’ve been

mulling it over, and part of me is still excited – the rest is just completely terrified. So, while Mr J is playing with the right side of my ribcage, these are the questions I’ve been asking myself – and the only answers I’ve come up with so far.

1) What if I really suck at labor?
I have pretty high pain tolerance. At least I think I do. Problem is: I’ve only broken some little bones; I’ve never had surgery; I’ve never really needed stitches except for once and my studly amazing husband took such great care of me all I needed was a tetanus shot, and some crutches.

And I’ve sure as hell never pushed a cantaloupe through a lemon with a smile on my face.

2) Who is going to be in the room with me other than Hubs?
I know they’re going to ask. Here’s the problem: my mom is an emotional wreck most of the time; and has always found a way to make things about her. She ruined a wedding shower, a couple of hospital stays (for family) and almost my entire stay in rehab because she could make anything be about her. She also really, really can’t handle bodily fluids – although she’s gotten much better about this. I’m still not sure I’m going to feel super comfortable with her in the room. My Mother in Law is awesome – but she’s also an OB-GYN nurse, and likes to push pharmaceuticals. She LOVES them. I can’t stand them, and honestly, I really want to have a home birth, but I know I’d never ever ever have her support. We also live about an hour away from the nearest decent hospital, and it’s not an ideal situation. Ideally, I’d really like it just to be me and Hubs, but that’s also going to step on a few toes. Maybe the solution will be people can come in and out? I’d love for our grandmothers to be there – but they might not know what’s going on.

3) When do my b@@bs stop becoming play dough?
Because right now, they pretty much take the shape of whatever container they’re put in.

4) Am I being obsessive about not wanting to gain a lot of weight?
So far, I’ve only gained 7 pounds at 24 weeks preggars. But let me be clear: I weigh in around 160lbs. I’m not a delicate flower. I’m quite muscular, so I understand that not all of this is fat, but my BMI could come down a few points, and it would be really helpful. I lost quite a bit of weight in the last year. I weigh now, at 6mos preggo, what I weighed at my wedding. I want to keep that going. Even my GP doc was like, “Is the baby growing? Mmmkay… What’s the problem?” I eat a ton of vegetables and fruits, and while they are awesome for nutrition, they’re low in calories. So, I’ve had the challenge of trying to add caloric-rich foods that don’t destroy my diet. And are gluten-free. Yeah.

5) What if I… like… get tired of being a mom?
Ok, that sounds awful from the moment I put it down, but I’m just being honest. Let’s face it, the longest commitment I’ve made so far is having a great dog. He’s almost 9, and I love him to pieces. I love my husband, and it’s not like I’m tired of being his wife, but I’ve had it pretty easy. I can leave the dog at home I HAVE to leave the dog at home to go grocery shopping, to work, or to church. And, yet, no one calls DHS when I leave the fur-kid outside on a nice day with a huge bowl of food and water (and chewies) to let him sleep in the sunshine while mom and dad go to dinner.

I have to take this thing e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e. And that seriously and completely terrifies me.

6) Do I really want to vaccinate?
No. I don’t. And I know my family will completely disown me if I tell them that.

7) Will my sleeping abilities change?
Oh, man, I hope so. I sleep so soundly that the baby monitor will have to use electric shock to get me out of bed. I thought about doing the co-sleeper thing (it attaches to the bed, so baby gets his own space) but I’m very active in my sleep, and I’d be terrified that I’d punch the kid because I’d forget he’s supposed to be there.

8) Where’s the dividing line between wanting to save money and just being downright cheap and nasty?
We’re really wanting to do cloth diapers and make our own baby food. Partly because it’s cheaper, and partly because if I hear of another recall on baby food, I’m moving the family to New Zealand. But the start-up costs are much higher, and I’m terrified I’ll still screw something up. The biggest problem here is that Craigslist doesn’t have a gift registry, and I definitely feel like a cheapskate if I put on my Babies R Us list to just get everything at garage sales.

9) What if I can’t handle being this unselfish?
Let’s be realistic. So far all I’ve given up is not getting to drink wine and beer, some sushi, and a couple of bras. I have the most amazing husband in the world, and if I’m tired, I just lay down and take a nap. I work hard, and still take care of our home well, I think, but that’s it. I love giving my time to help others. I love that my job means I help others and put families back together. But even now, I volunteer on my own terms. I get to love on other people’s babies and then give them back. I’m seriously aware that so far the only major thing I’ve given up is starting graduate school. But my mantra has been that if I’ve prayed for a child for years, the least I can do is take good care of this gift.

10) what if the kid doesn’t like me?

16 and Pregnant

This show is like watching a train wreck. Scratch that. This show is like watching a wreck with a train and four clown cars. It kills me that so many young girls think that they’re heroes because they’ve had to make sacrifices for a baby they didn’t intend to have.

It’s a tough lesson. One that I’m VERY thankful that I got to learn early: Life isn’t about you. It’s not about you at 12, 21, 37, or 50. It has nothing to do with what you want, what matters to you, what you need to feel like a good person, or feel important. We have all had crap happen that screwed us up, K? The difference is you can make whatever your last mistake was – your last mistake.

I stopped watching this show for over a year because it was just too painful. Here I was, over a year into infertility, praying for a baby and “doing everything right” and some snot-nosed, self-centered, spoiled kid gets the privilege of being pregnant, and all they can do is focus on how much they’re missing out with their friends… I couldn’t do it. Now when I watch it, I am so incredibly thankful for the life I have chosen for myself.

I’m so thankful that I have a husband who sings my baby to sleep at night, and wakes him up in the morning by telling him he loves him.

I’m so thankful that I have a job with the most ridiculous flexible schedule known to man, and still lets me do what I love.

I’m so thankful that the worst thing that I’ve had to sacrifice was going to graduate school a year late: I found out the day I was going to send in my application that I was due the week school would start. Also on the list: red wine, salmon sushi, and a cold roast beef sandwich from Cosmo’s. I think I can deal with this a few more months 🙂

I’m so thankful that my and Hubs’ grandparents are still living. They offered us the most stability growing up, and although things are changing with my grandparents, they are still excited for the arrival of their namesake.

I’m so thankful for the amazing resources we have in our church – and women of godliness that I can call with questions when I’m freaking out about bringing a child into this world and raising it to be a leader who will set the standard in righteousness – and not be a serial killer.

I’m so thankful that even with moving, having little money, and Hubs’ being gone a lot of the time, that we still have more than any couple that doesn’t have God as the center of their home.

I’m really thankful that my dog already loves my growing belly, and gives “baby love” by laying his head on my tummy.

I know this is going to be hard, and we have some interesting challenges coming up that will probably drive a stake in our family’s hearts. We will have some interesting personal challenges that will be exciting to see how we face together. But I have the best husband in the entire world, who loves my family second only to his Savior. We have it made.