Family Feud

source: Huffingtonpost

I do it. You do it. And it has to stop.

Ever talk to someone about something, and their response is so condescending, so pious, and so unrealistic that you just want to punch them in the face?

Then you hear them say something about everyone being “so judgmental” and “not as spiritually mature” as they are.

This is total crap. It has to stop.

It goes like this; you watch a cool show on Netflix, or on TV, or catch the news, and you ask someone about it, trying to make conversation…

You: Hey, did you see that thing on the Colorado blah de blah? It had Blah de Blah from So and So… very cool.

Them: Well, we don’t watch Blah de Blah. Actually, we don’t watch TV at all.

You: (in your head) Oh that’s right, I forgot you had the perfect family and never do anything that us simpletons do. Your three-year-old will most certainly get into Harvard by the time they’re 10. Thank you for opening my eyes to the truth about everything. You know what? Maybe I should just follow you around for a day or so, and just write everything down that you do…

Ok, maybe I took that last sentence a bit too far. But not that much.

Two mothers are at a playground. The kids are all being kids; playing in the dirt, swinging on the swings, and making up a game where only they will understand the rules.

Mom 1: Which one is yours?

Mom 2: One in the red shirt. Yours?

Mom 1: One in the green shirt. They look like they’re playing really well together!

Mom 2: Yeah, well ever since we removed gluten, dairy, red dye no 5, cartoons, puppies, and peanut butter from his diet, as well as limit his screen time, got him a private tutor for his brown-belt in jujitsu, he seems like a different child. I mean, who would have thought that only using purely organic essential oils on his solely organic, non-gmo steamed vegetables would have such an effect? 

Mom 1: (in their head) I would kill myself.

Two parents are talking in the lobby of a crowded restaurant. It’s a family friendly place: lots of kids, lots of noise.

Parent 1: Oh my goodness, she’s so cute! How old is she?

Parent 2: Seven months.

Parent 1:Oh, wow… so she/he’s on solid foods, talking, crawling, and playing the bass?

Parent 2: Uhh… actually, we’re breastfeeding, so no, he hasn’t had anything solid yet. He’s definitely trying to crawl, though! nervous laugh…

Parent 2: Oh, I guess I don’t know what the norm is for kids these days. I’m sure he’s fine.

Parent 1: (In their head) Well, golly, I’m so freaking glad we got that out of the way.

Every family does things a little bit differently. I don’t think most of us are trying to offend someone when we respond the way we do, but at some point we really do have to take a step back and reflect. If you’ve been friends with someone for years, or you just met them, or you have no idea in the Sam Hill who they are, take a second to realize the reality that their situation is going to be different from yours.

And besides that, unless they ask you for your stance on TV, fast food, global warming, the Presidency, books, or child development;

Shut up. Just shut up. No one cares about your stance on food, GMO, breastfeeding, child rearing, or yoga. No one cares unless they ask you what you care about. It’s not you; it’s them. They have a life too and are doing what they need to for their family.

Not everyone has a dairy/gluten/peanut/puppy/allergy, mmmkay? Are there those of us that do? Yes, and I have a family of them. Ironically, we’re all allergic to different things. But I am trying, and I think we all need to try a little harder.

No, I didn’t see that show. I should look that up.

Yeah, they are really having a good time!

Aren’t babies so beautiful?

Is it that hard to lift someone up without lifting yourself up higher than they are? Is it that hard to tell someone else that they, too, are doing a great job rearing their children? Is it that hard to be positive, without a political spin on your own praise?

Tell me I’m wrong.

Holy Spirit Parenting 101

There’s been more controversy over parenting styles in the last year than the Benghazi scandal.

There’s the Attachment Parenting Style, the Hug-A-Tree-Love-A-Bunny Style of Parenting, the Authoritarian/Authoritative Style, Helicopter Parenting (I kid you not – Google it) and the list goes on. But the most controversial of all of them is the Babywise/Ezzo method of doing stuff.

The people that love it claim that it has gotten their kiddos on a schedule. They sleep, eat, and cry less. Also, the children are doing well.

The people that hate it have very, very good reasons to hate it. Some of the kiddos raised in this method have developed RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) and have some serious consequences.

I am not doing any of these. But as someone who is a constant researcher, I have become quite eclectic in everything I do: counseling, clothing style, and now, parenting.

Please don’t get me wrong. I KNOW that I know nothing. That’s what makes this so fun. I love asking questions, and hearing the answers. And for now, what works for us is patterns, not styles.

My son just turned one month old on Saturday. His greatest accomplishments so far are that he came out of the womb holding his head up and looking around. He loves his Boppy, and loves being propped up in it so he can watch everything around him. He HATES having a wet diaper; also, changing said diaper. There’s no win there. He also doesn’t sleep for more than 30-45 minutes during the day. So, all of those people that tell you to “sleep when the baby sleeps” need a good, solid, smacking. You can’t sleep for 30 minutes and accomplish anything.

I tell my husband that I can accomplish 3 things per day.

1. Eat
2. Laundry
3. Dishes
4. Floors
5. Fold the above laundry
6. Sleep
7. Shower
8. Pump so my boobies do not explode
9. Cook dinner

I can pick any of these three, but it cannot exceed that number.

And, honestly, I was going literally insane. I was tired to the point of hallucination, and in so much pain that I could barely walk across my house. I kept thinking that I was supposed to be doing something different than what I was doing, and it was driving me crazy.

So, at one of the many 1am, 2am, 2:30am, 3:30am, and 5am moments where I found myself awake, I just started to cry, and whine. And get so angry at my husband for things he hasn’t even done yet… and cry some more… And then it hit me:

Praying, Napping, Listening intently to Jesus

Pray. Not just pray, but PRAY… Seek after His Face and His Heart. Talk to your Dad, and get HIS PARENTING ADVICE.

Maybe, just maybe, the God who gave me this gift would know how to operate it.

So, I started researching again. This time, instead of looking for “What Am I Doing Wrong?” I looked for “What Can I Do Well?” and “What Might Work for Our Family.” Not a guarantee or a hug-the-bunny-it-turns-into-a-unicorn moment. Just a guideline.

It worked.

Why was I surprised?

I was literally surprised when prayer started working. Seriously?

Something crazy started happening: he started sleeping, crying less, and eating with regularity. He was never doing poorly: he’s been gaining almost a pound a week. But I could never keep up with him, and felt like I was being dragged around by him. Now, I know what he needs before he needs it, and I feel like I know what to expect.

So, I will probably start editing the Page Holy Spirit Parenting 101 more often, just as the Lord leads, with lessons that I’ve learned as a brand new mommy. I’m sure it’s stuff that most know already, but it’s new to me. I know that a lot of this is a learning curve, and that there’s no way to research, read books, and study up on this stuff. But I’m slowly learning to ask my Dad what my baby needs. And everyone knows Dads give the best advice anyway.

Morning Coffee

This morning, I didn’t have to rush to work, and I made the mistake of getting on Facebook. Fit Pregnancy’s page was filled with expectant mothers shopping in Chicago, their purchases only the finest for their little ones. Most of their travel systems cost more than our entire budget for my son’s room. Although, in contrast, the total cost of the mother’s clothing was more than ALL the furniture in my home.

I can’t help but feel a little inferior. For some of those families, having a child is a reason to spend money on only the best. For my family, I am stalking Craigslist and am blessed with some hand-me-downs that we will re-appropriate.

Still, my Parent Trainer spoke softly this morning,

Would you rather have a home full of expensive toys, or the sound of baby laughter, soft kisses, and wagging tails? Would you rather go to bed every night on a thousand dollar mattress – or have a husband by your side that loves you?

I don’t know those women. But I do know what it’s like to have money to do whatever I wanted with – and I was miserable. I would have traded it in a heartbeat. I don’t doubt for a second that God has plans to bless our family with more than enough. He has already provided for us when no one else could have. But if I had to choose between designer clothes, and my husband telling me that my expanding belly is beautiful… I choose my husband.

The soft thump, thump, thump of my fur-boy’s happiness indicator tells me that the old comforter he’s sleeping on has released him to go outside.

The smell of my non-gourmet coffee reminds me that today I will speak into lives of people who may not care what I have to say, but care what I do.

And my peanut butter toast is pretty awesome, too. The wagging tail is happily barking outside, and I’m off to work.