Just wait until…

Oh, just wait until they’re running around…

Just wait until they’re eating solids…

Just wait until they start talking…

Just wait until they start talking back…

Just wait until your next kid, and you have to do this all over again…

Just wait until they get older and don’t need you as much…

Just wait until they can start trying to ‘help’…

Just wait until potty training…

Why don’t we go ahead and say it?

THEN you’ll be REALLY frustrated!

THEN you’ll be REALLY tired!

Then you’ll be REALLY miserable!

New motherhood has definitely set in. I am tired. Tired enough for long enough and I’ve managed to get sick. I’m never sick. Being sick and being in charge of a human being barely larger than a breadbox is an impressive task. But still it’s wonderful.

Why is that so hard for people to understand I’m actually happy? Does it come as a surprise that I still generally love being who I am?

I find it interesting that society as a whole is almost dedicated to coping. Like, we’re all victims of something and the best we can ever do is just cope, and ride out the storm. Waiting until something else just pops up and overwhelms us further, so we can further obtain more sympathy, or to gain a new group of friends to be our listening ears seems to be the norm.

I’m amazed at how many times I hear this, and surely I can’t be the only new mom that hears such things. It constantly feels like what people are really saying is, “I have it worse than YOU. You should be grateful you don’t have my problems.”

Do we really want to switch? Or actually to have someone have your problems?

My house is a constant disaster. This is not normal for me, as I usually at the very least keep laundry going, dishes done, and floors at least reasonably swept. Now, if the diapers are clean (we do cloth diapers) and I can find a clean pair of underwear, it’s a good day. I know this will change when he gets older. It will change tomorrow.

But I’m here today. With a beautiful (albeit cranky) son who just woke up from his nap, and I’ll wait another day.

Holy Spirit Parenting 101

There’s been more controversy over parenting styles in the last year than the Benghazi scandal.

There’s the Attachment Parenting Style, the Hug-A-Tree-Love-A-Bunny Style of Parenting, the Authoritarian/Authoritative Style, Helicopter Parenting (I kid you not – Google it) and the list goes on. But the most controversial of all of them is the Babywise/Ezzo method of doing stuff.

The people that love it claim that it has gotten their kiddos on a schedule. They sleep, eat, and cry less. Also, the children are doing well.

The people that hate it have very, very good reasons to hate it. Some of the kiddos raised in this method have developed RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) and have some serious consequences.

I am not doing any of these. But as someone who is a constant researcher, I have become quite eclectic in everything I do: counseling, clothing style, and now, parenting.

Please don’t get me wrong. I KNOW that I know nothing. That’s what makes this so fun. I love asking questions, and hearing the answers. And for now, what works for us is patterns, not styles.

My son just turned one month old on Saturday. His greatest accomplishments so far are that he came out of the womb holding his head up and looking around. He loves his Boppy, and loves being propped up in it so he can watch everything around him. He HATES having a wet diaper; also, changing said diaper. There’s no win there. He also doesn’t sleep for more than 30-45 minutes during the day. So, all of those people that tell you to “sleep when the baby sleeps” need a good, solid, smacking. You can’t sleep for 30 minutes and accomplish anything.

I tell my husband that I can accomplish 3 things per day.

1. Eat
2. Laundry
3. Dishes
4. Floors
5. Fold the above laundry
6. Sleep
7. Shower
8. Pump so my boobies do not explode
9. Cook dinner

I can pick any of these three, but it cannot exceed that number.

And, honestly, I was going literally insane. I was tired to the point of hallucination, and in so much pain that I could barely walk across my house. I kept thinking that I was supposed to be doing something different than what I was doing, and it was driving me crazy.

So, at one of the many 1am, 2am, 2:30am, 3:30am, and 5am moments where I found myself awake, I just started to cry, and whine. And get so angry at my husband for things he hasn’t even done yet… and cry some more… And then it hit me:

Praying, Napping, Listening intently to Jesus

Pray. Not just pray, but PRAY… Seek after His Face and His Heart. Talk to your Dad, and get HIS PARENTING ADVICE.

Maybe, just maybe, the God who gave me this gift would know how to operate it.

So, I started researching again. This time, instead of looking for “What Am I Doing Wrong?” I looked for “What Can I Do Well?” and “What Might Work for Our Family.” Not a guarantee or a hug-the-bunny-it-turns-into-a-unicorn moment. Just a guideline.

It worked.

Why was I surprised?

I was literally surprised when prayer started working. Seriously?

Something crazy started happening: he started sleeping, crying less, and eating with regularity. He was never doing poorly: he’s been gaining almost a pound a week. But I could never keep up with him, and felt like I was being dragged around by him. Now, I know what he needs before he needs it, and I feel like I know what to expect.

So, I will probably start editing the Page Holy Spirit Parenting 101 more often, just as the Lord leads, with lessons that I’ve learned as a brand new mommy. I’m sure it’s stuff that most know already, but it’s new to me. I know that a lot of this is a learning curve, and that there’s no way to research, read books, and study up on this stuff. But I’m slowly learning to ask my Dad what my baby needs. And everyone knows Dads give the best advice anyway.

16 and Pregnant

This show is like watching a train wreck. Scratch that. This show is like watching a wreck with a train and four clown cars. It kills me that so many young girls think that they’re heroes because they’ve had to make sacrifices for a baby they didn’t intend to have.

It’s a tough lesson. One that I’m VERY thankful that I got to learn early: Life isn’t about you. It’s not about you at 12, 21, 37, or 50. It has nothing to do with what you want, what matters to you, what you need to feel like a good person, or feel important. We have all had crap happen that screwed us up, K? The difference is you can make whatever your last mistake was – your last mistake.

I stopped watching this show for over a year because it was just too painful. Here I was, over a year into infertility, praying for a baby and “doing everything right” and some snot-nosed, self-centered, spoiled kid gets the privilege of being pregnant, and all they can do is focus on how much they’re missing out with their friends… I couldn’t do it. Now when I watch it, I am so incredibly thankful for the life I have chosen for myself.

I’m so thankful that I have a husband who sings my baby to sleep at night, and wakes him up in the morning by telling him he loves him.

I’m so thankful that I have a job with the most ridiculous flexible schedule known to man, and still lets me do what I love.

I’m so thankful that the worst thing that I’ve had to sacrifice was going to graduate school a year late: I found out the day I was going to send in my application that I was due the week school would start. Also on the list: red wine, salmon sushi, and a cold roast beef sandwich from Cosmo’s. I think I can deal with this a few more months 🙂

I’m so thankful that my and Hubs’ grandparents are still living. They offered us the most stability growing up, and although things are changing with my grandparents, they are still excited for the arrival of their namesake.

I’m so thankful for the amazing resources we have in our church – and women of godliness that I can call with questions when I’m freaking out about bringing a child into this world and raising it to be a leader who will set the standard in righteousness – and not be a serial killer.

I’m so thankful that even with moving, having little money, and Hubs’ being gone a lot of the time, that we still have more than any couple that doesn’t have God as the center of their home.

I’m really thankful that my dog already loves my growing belly, and gives “baby love” by laying his head on my tummy.

I know this is going to be hard, and we have some interesting challenges coming up that will probably drive a stake in our family’s hearts. We will have some interesting personal challenges that will be exciting to see how we face together. But I have the best husband in the entire world, who loves my family second only to his Savior. We have it made.