What is Romance?

Who actually looks like this?

So often, we think of romance as the infamous February 14th holiday. Every man fears it. Every woman secretly hopes that something wonderful happens.

It’s ridiculous.

My husband did something far more romantic just a few weeks ago. He fixed the toilet!

This is romance. Seriously.

That evening the toilet had been acting funny. We only have one bathroom, so if THE toilet isn’t working, it’s a state of national emergency. I thought it was going to overflow, so I turned the water off and let it drain down. Then I turned it back on, and flushed. Same MO. Dang. I told the Hubs, and he said he’d fix it.

But that doesn’t always follow my timetable.

In the middle of the night, as my usual 8-mos prego routine, I went to pee. I was terrified that it would overflow so I sat there and listened to it stop.

It stopped. I waddle back to bed.

Later that same night, Hubs goes into the bathroom, and apparently there was water on the floor. He told me the toilet overflowed (and sounded kinda mad) and that he would fix it in the morning.

I was a little defensive, but in all the strength I had, I just said, “I’m sorry” and let it go.

Then I get this beautiful note.

Cool, huh??!!

This past weekend, Hubs and I learned a valuable parenting lesson:

You will be putting stuff together for the rest of your life.

All those cool boxes of stuff: do not come assembled.

Who knew?

Hubs knew. And He. Was. Ecstatic.

He spent 2 hours putting together the stroller and swing/bouncy chair. He worked on it steadily almost an entire evening home.

I thought it was pretty romantic. Until I read his Facebook status:

My first night spent putting together J’s toys. The first of many over the next two decades. This is so AWESOME!

Sigh. Swoooon.

What is romance? Is it the man who works a 50-hour week and wants to get a part-time job so I don’t have to work as hard considered romance? Is the man who gets up early so he can work in the garden to provide good food for his family less romantic? Is it romance when you send someone you love to bed early, and take care of the “getting ready for bed” sequence for them?

It’s romantic. Flowers die. Chocolate is nice, but honestly none of us actually need it.

We need to feel respected. We need to feel safe. We need to know that the toilet isn’t going to drown the dog in the middle of the night when we get up to pee.

I know so many of us long to be “swept away” in a beautiful vacation, or a wonderful dinner. So many single ladies view romance as candlelight dinners, fondue restaurants, and jewelry. Most married women get pretty excited about our husbands doing the dishes, quiet(ish) evenings with a bowl of cereal and a Unit marathon, or simply seeing your husband put together a toy that requires an engineering degree just to hold a person the size of an eggplant.

It’s still romantic. Really it is.